Pasado alas-once at pauwi ako nang mapansin ko na lahat ng tao sa neighborhood ay nasa labas ng kani-kanilang bahay. Bigla akong kinabahan. May sunog? May pinatay? Sinaniban ako ni Gus Abelgas at nakiishmukuy.
Biglang may sumigaw galing sa pinakadulong bahay.
Still unidentified voice: Hoy, Gerry!!!! Lumabas ka dito!!!! Sisirain ko ang pinto!!! Mayaman ako ngayon at puede kong sirain ang pintong to. Tang&(%^$ mo!!! Lumabas ka.
Upon closer inspection, nakilala ko ang sumisigaw as Gerald, kapatid ni Gerry. Kilala ko sila dahil may sari-sari store sila, kung saan ako bumibili ng RC (so probinsya!) Si Gerry ay isang karpentero. Si Gerald ay isang extra. YES, AS IN EXTRA SA MGA TV SHOW. Masyado ata niyang dinidibdib ang mga Star Magic acting workshops. Anyway, I asked neighborhood chikadora (who happens to live next door, that's why I'm ultra behaved; mahirap nang maging pulutan) who has an uncanny resemblance to THE Christy Fermin)
Me: Te, anong nangyayari jan?
Ate Chikadora: Hay nag-aaway yung magkapatid.
Me (thinking to myself, "Duh, obvious ba????"): Bakit ba?
AC: Ah kase, si Gerald, hiniram ang sapatos ni Gerry, binalik, putikan. Eh alam mo naman si Gerry, maingat sa gamit.
Me: Ohhhhhhhhhhh.
Me to myself: Oo nga, halata naman mas malinis itong si Gerry, si Gerald the actor, mas may itsura nga, pero mukhang parating gusgusin naman. But no, does this merit a public scandal? FRIGGING MUDDED SHOES??? But no, eto na ngang si Gerald ang sumira ng sapatos, siya pa ang galit! Meanwhile, AC was reading my expression and offered an explanation.
AC: Kase pinagkalat daw ata ni Gerry na sinira ni Gerald ang sapatos niya kaya di siya makapagbasketball. Hayon di sila lahat nakapagbasketball. Nainis yung mga katropa ni Gerry, di kinausap si Gerald. Kaya si Gerald ngayon tong galit.
My brief interview with AC was interrupted as apparently, Gerry had come out of their residence to confront his drunk brother. RAMBOL NA E2!!!!
Asawa ni AC: Hala, awatin natin!
Dahil maingat din ako at ayokong mabasag bungo ko, sumama lang ako para magka-closeup view ng mga pangyayari. Sumama si AC at si Donna, anak ni AC at ang iba pang mga kapit-bahay mula sa masmalalayong bahay. Tumigil kami mga 50 m. Ang mga cargyng barako + Kuya asawa ni AC, dumiretso para awatin ang magkapatid.
Me: Teka, nasaan na ba si Tita Elsie?
Tita Elsie is the matriarch of the clan.
AC: Ay, kanina pa nag-collapse.
Background: Tita Elsie is a legend when it comes to collapsing and the art of it. Mapa bisita ng Meralco para putulan sila ng kuryente (di nagbayad), ang kehaba-habang pila sa COMELEC registration (hinimatay daw dahil sa init), at ang pag-amin ni Kris Aquino na kinaliwa siya ni James, lahat cause for a fainting spell.
Tita Lucy (one of 'em neighbors, tindera sa palnegke): Hay naku, makatawag na nga ng tanod.
Tita Susan (one of the more promiment neighbors): Tatawag ako ng police.
Pagbaling ko ng atensiyon sa rambol na nagaganap, tagumpay na naawat ng mga lalake ang magkapatid. With matching declare na ang Gerald na "OK na ako, OK na ako." Medyo humupa na ang crowd nang konti nang bigalang umingay. Tumuakbo pala itong si Gerald sa bahay at dinampot si Emily, ang asawa ni Gerry. HOSTAGE E2.
Gerald: Tang*(^% mo Gerry. Sasakalin ko tong asawa mo kung di kita mabugbog!!!!
Balik takbo ang mga lalake para awatin si Gerald, ngunit nakaposisyon na ang mga kamay nito sa leeg ni Emily.
Gerry: Tang*^% mo Gerald. Pakawalan mo si Emily. Mag-usap tayo.
At last, dumating ang tanod with matching wang wang sound effects emanating from their jeep. Papunta na ang mga tanod para panghambalusin ng batuta si Gerald nang umentra amidst the crowd (na naka office attire pa) ang younger sister na si Rina, isang sekretarya sa isang recruitment agency sa Malate.
Rina: STOP IT!!!! Mga kuya (addressing the tanod), umuwi na kayo!!!! THIS IS A FAMILY AFFAIR!!!!
LUMAKI ANG MGA MATA KO!!! HINDI DAHIL SA EKSENA, NGUNIT DAHIL SUDDENLY SPOKENING DOLLAR BIGLA E2NG SI GARGUELAYNE.
Rina again: This is a WAR... A WAR between brothers. We'll fix it inside. Sige na, magsiuwian na kayo!!!! WE DON'T NEED NOSY NEIGHBORS!!!!!!!
I SO WANTED TO DO CARTWHEELS. WAR!!! BETWEEN BROTHERS!!! INDAY, IS THAT YOU?????? I was half expecting her to start saying, "Alms, alms, spare me a piece of bread..."
Nadisperse ang crowd. Pumasok ang mga actors and actresses sa loob. Naiwan sa labas ang sabit na si Emily, still gasping for breath.
Another evening in the neighborhood.
Word for the day: PEAKS (interchangable with its homonym PEEKS)
Location: McDonald's (branch location withheld)
I was happily munching my quarter pounder with cheese and fries (for only PhP99, promo ends I dunno) with an officemate, discussing the greatness of Manong (the office's guard-lunch provider-sandal/flipflop/RTW/perfume magnate [Burberry Weekend 100 ml for only PhP500]) when I (and later aforementioned officemate) got distracted by the boisterous storytelling of a table neighbor. Yes, he was REALLY loud, considering that tables in McDonald's are arranged comfortably apart from each other (compared to Jollibee) and considering I, owner of the voice that crossed the Guimaras Strait effortlessly, found him loud. Anyway, he tells his companion (and the whole place):
LM (loudmouth): Ewan ko nga ba kung bakit ako umalis dun e.
Companion: (says something in normal volume)
LM: Tapos....ano pa ako dun... PEAKS!!!!! Peeeeeeaks. Tangina, pare, PEAAAAAAAKS. Di ko lang talaga kaya yung oras e.
Companion: (says something in normal volume) &%^%&$* yun????
LM: PEAKS!!!!!!!!! Yung bawat katapusan meron akong nakukuha..........PEEAAAAAAKS...... sayang talaga yun.
Companion: AHHHHHHHHHHH! FEEEEEEEEEEAKS. FEEEKS sweldo mo!!!!!
I thought the fries I just chewed then did cartwheels in my esophagus.
I was happily munching my quarter pounder with cheese and fries (for only PhP99, promo ends I dunno) with an officemate, discussing the greatness of Manong (the office's guard-lunch provider-sandal/flipflop/RTW/perfume magnate [Burberry Weekend 100 ml for only PhP500]) when I (and later aforementioned officemate) got distracted by the boisterous storytelling of a table neighbor. Yes, he was REALLY loud, considering that tables in McDonald's are arranged comfortably apart from each other (compared to Jollibee) and considering I, owner of the voice that crossed the Guimaras Strait effortlessly, found him loud. Anyway, he tells his companion (and the whole place):
LM (loudmouth): Ewan ko nga ba kung bakit ako umalis dun e.
Companion: (says something in normal volume)
LM: Tapos....ano pa ako dun... PEAKS!!!!! Peeeeeeaks. Tangina, pare, PEAAAAAAAKS. Di ko lang talaga kaya yung oras e.
Companion: (says something in normal volume) &%^%&$* yun????
LM: PEAKS!!!!!!!!! Yung bawat katapusan meron akong nakukuha..........PEEAAAAAAKS...... sayang talaga yun.
Companion: AHHHHHHHHHHH! FEEEEEEEEEEAKS. FEEEKS sweldo mo!!!!!
I thought the fries I just chewed then did cartwheels in my esophagus.
Another set of questions
Just because I want to answer the Proust Questionnaire, as popularized in the last page of Vanity Fair.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
extreme poverty
Where would you like to live?
somewhere free
What is your idea of earthly happiness?
contentment
To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
any, as long as they're my own
Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
Moraes Zogoiby, Zorro, Donald Duck
Who are your favorite characters in history?
Mohandas Gandhi, Alfred Hitchcock, Che Guevarra
Who are your favorite heroines of history?
Melchora Aquino, Gabriella Silang, Florence Nightingale
Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
my mother
Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
Hester Payne, Alice (as in the girl in Wonderland), Hua Mu Lan
Your favorite painter?
I'm not an art connoisseur. Van Gogh.
Your favorite musician?
Juanes
The quality you most admire in a man?
perseverance
The quality you most admire in a woman?
resilience
Your favorite virtue?
optimism
Your favorite occupation?
learning about other places and times
Who would you have liked to be?
no one in particular
Your most marked characteristic?
impatience
What do you most value in your friends?
their entertainment value (mwahahahahahaha). seriously, their generosity (of themselves)
What is your principle defect?
my allergic rhinitis
What is your dream of happiness?
absolute contentment
What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?
abject poverty
What would you like to be?
complete (centrum? mwahahahaha)
In what country would you like to live?
a country with overflowing sangria, flamenco, superficial and meaningful friendships, and silence
What is your favorite color?
I don't have a favorite color, I prefer seeing harmony and appropriateness among/in them.
What is your favorite flower?
I'm allergic to them. I like seeing them in cheerful colors, though.
What is your favorite bird?
I don't like birds, especially after watching Hitchcock's film.
Who are your favorite prose writers?
Rohinton Mistry, Salman Rushdie, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Who are your favoite poets?
I'm not into English or Filipino poetry, and I don't believe in translated poetry. I have yet to read Spanish poets, so I don't have a favorite poet.
Who are your favorite composers?
Juanes, Mercedes Migel Carpio, Fher Olvera, The Beatles
What are your favorite names?
Alejandro, David, Guillermo
Chloe, Isabel, Claire
What is it you most dislike?
looking at suffering
What historical figures do you most despise?
Hitler
What event in military history do you most admire?
I wouldn't exactly classify it as military, but Cinco de Noviembre in Negros was ingenious and amazing.
What reform do you most admire?
land reform
What natural gift would you most like to possess?
a good singing voice
How would you like to die?
in my sleep, without any fanfare
What is your present state of mind?
perplexed, thinking of what to answer to these questions
What is your motto?
Live each day as though it's your first.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
extreme poverty
Where would you like to live?
somewhere free
What is your idea of earthly happiness?
contentment
To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
any, as long as they're my own
Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
Moraes Zogoiby, Zorro, Donald Duck
Who are your favorite characters in history?
Mohandas Gandhi, Alfred Hitchcock, Che Guevarra
Who are your favorite heroines of history?
Melchora Aquino, Gabriella Silang, Florence Nightingale
Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
my mother
Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
Hester Payne, Alice (as in the girl in Wonderland), Hua Mu Lan
Your favorite painter?
I'm not an art connoisseur. Van Gogh.
Your favorite musician?
Juanes
The quality you most admire in a man?
perseverance
The quality you most admire in a woman?
resilience
Your favorite virtue?
optimism
Your favorite occupation?
learning about other places and times
Who would you have liked to be?
no one in particular
Your most marked characteristic?
impatience
What do you most value in your friends?
their entertainment value (mwahahahahahaha). seriously, their generosity (of themselves)
What is your principle defect?
my allergic rhinitis
What is your dream of happiness?
absolute contentment
What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?
abject poverty
What would you like to be?
complete (centrum? mwahahahaha)
In what country would you like to live?
a country with overflowing sangria, flamenco, superficial and meaningful friendships, and silence
What is your favorite color?
I don't have a favorite color, I prefer seeing harmony and appropriateness among/in them.
What is your favorite flower?
I'm allergic to them. I like seeing them in cheerful colors, though.
What is your favorite bird?
I don't like birds, especially after watching Hitchcock's film.
Who are your favorite prose writers?
Rohinton Mistry, Salman Rushdie, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Who are your favoite poets?
I'm not into English or Filipino poetry, and I don't believe in translated poetry. I have yet to read Spanish poets, so I don't have a favorite poet.
Who are your favorite composers?
Juanes, Mercedes Migel Carpio, Fher Olvera, The Beatles
What are your favorite names?
Alejandro, David, Guillermo
Chloe, Isabel, Claire
What is it you most dislike?
looking at suffering
What historical figures do you most despise?
Hitler
What event in military history do you most admire?
I wouldn't exactly classify it as military, but Cinco de Noviembre in Negros was ingenious and amazing.
What reform do you most admire?
land reform
What natural gift would you most like to possess?
a good singing voice
How would you like to die?
in my sleep, without any fanfare
What is your present state of mind?
perplexed, thinking of what to answer to these questions
What is your motto?
Live each day as though it's your first.
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