I have a student that I talk to at 6 in the morning, Korean time (that'd be 5 AM in Maniila) every goddem weekday. It's a cheeseball class - we use a cheesy book and the student is, in my opinion or maybe forced by the circumstances of his book, gives the cheesiest opinions. The student is the usual Korean guy - in his mid-30s, working as a manager of some firm, workaholic (works from 7 - 9), with a child and a wife, stickler to grammar and doesn't understand the part that a huge part of the English language operates on expections to the rules, very obvious East Asian accent. There are days when I wish the ten minutes would speed past, as the cheesiness can get to my nerves so early in the day. I mean, I could only deal with so much pros and cons of being optimistic vs. being pessimistic as my patience would allow. I am guilty of tuning out at times. Me bad teacher.
Earlier, we were talking about another cheeseball topic, expectations. As per the book, I asked the question:
Me: What makes you raise your expectations? Why?
Ben: Teacher, with me, it's who. My 8 month old daughter makes me want to raise my expectations of everything. I want to be the best in my work for her. My expectations of the world are higher because I want her to experience a world that is kind to her.
* Me thinks cheesy alert, cheesy alert. Ring the cheesy alarm!!! *
Ben: I love my daughter so much I want everything to be perfect for her. Even if she has already had 2 surgeries because she has a weak heart. I know she will survive. My expectations become my hopes for her. How about you teacher? Is there anything or anyone that makes you wish that everything is perfect?
SILENCE. Teacher too dumbfounded to answer.
Ben: Teacher?
Me: Ben, sorry, I'll have to get back to you on that.
Two hours later and I have yet to go back to sleep as Ben's question has scared sleep from me.
Can somebody answer Ben's question?
Graduation Blues
It's that time of the year again! Thousands of students will graduate from school. Hence, (1) a huge number added to unemployed Filipinos, (2) a mad rush for dorms and accomodations in Quezon City and the U-belt, (3) parties, parties, and more parties, and (4) waves of nostalgia for the likes of me, who are done with all the three stages of graduation typical for Filipino students (grade school, high school, and college: I'm doing my masters but I think it'll be more of a relief rather than an emotional experience once I finish). Thus, the sudden spurts of Friendster and Facebook surveys of school experiences. And because I'm not immune to these surveys, I shall answer.
Grade school:
(1) Do you still remember all your sections since Grade 1?
Oh yes, with matching advisers:
Grade 1 - Hope, Mrs. Yusay
Grade 2 - Lime, Ms. Lacbanes (I transfered to a new school, and from that year I had sections to fill a palate colorful enough to amuse Picasso or Warhol)
Grade 3 - Aqua, Mrs. Alejado
Grade 4 - Ivory, Mrs. Llena (the former Ms. Ortiz)
Grade 5 - Cream, Mrs. Patalagsa
Grade 6 - Tangerine, Mr. Rosales
(2) Were you an honor student?
Oh yes, I had to be. NOT being an honor student was not in my parents' vocabulary. It was like not being on the honor's list was a precursor to the Apocalypse, or the plagues of Egypt. The expected me to have honors every quarter the way they expected the electricity bill to come every month.
(3) What was your favorite subject?
Sibika at Kultura. I was a sucker for memorization. I used to scan the Philippine map once and remember where each province was, their provincial capitals, which region they belong to, and to some point, their population. By the time I was in Grade 4, I was so bored with the Philippines I started memorizing the things my sister (who was already in high school and studying Asian Civ that time) was studying. So yes, Bhutan's capital was, and still is, I believe, Thimphu, and Sikkim is part of India, not a separate country, since 1975. I can still remember some of them, but I have been thoroughly left behind. I even thought that province with the Garden churva on its name was a joke the first time I heatrd it.
(4) What was your least favorite subject?
Spelling. Because I tried my darned effing best and I would still have mistakes. Grrr. I was ambivalent towards Math that time.
(5) Who was your favorite teacher?
Ms. Lacbanes, my 2nd Grade adviser and English teacher. She was like this mommy figure. Very inspiring, the best.
(6) Who was your least favorite teacher?
No comment. Hahahaha. Ummm... when I was old enough to hate any of them, I realized that these were just people doing their jobs and if I don't like them, there's a great chance they'll sense it and they'll hate me too. I refused to waste energy.
(7) Most memorable line from a teacher:
"Kulang na lang kay Mark masking tape. Natam-an ka baba-an!" - Mr. Rosales
I think the way my teachers hammered the "you don't have good manners if you talk in the classroom" stuck with me forever. I don't like talking. AT ALL. My anti-social awkwardness probably stemmed from these encounters. Oh, I just psychoanalyzed myself. Hehehehe.
(8) What was your lowest grade?
I put the C in GMRC. Refer to question 7 answer. I dunno. I guess more than my blabbermouth, I thought the teachers hated my guts. I thought I came accross as someone who tuned out if I wasn't interested. Which I did most of the time. I don't have a very high IQ, but I thought I actually did well in absorbing all the stuff I was "hearing" in the classroom because I never remembered studying at home. after class. My idea of "studying" was doing my homework and getting quizzed by my mom when there's a scheduled test or during exam week. Which means that I had, and still have, great retention skills, depite my refusal to pay that much attention and talking with my seatmates through classes. But with IQ, genius, and most of all diligence, I'm as normal as normal can be, close to mediocre, actually.
(9) What was the highlight of your school year?
Christmas vacation and choral singing contest. Intramurals for the last two years of grade school.
(10) Were you active in extra-curricular activities?
No. Tennis was alien to our school so sports was out of the question.
(11) Did you join any conest?
I didn't have stage fright, but I thought it was icky to perform in front of your school. I lost in a poetry declamation contest in 5th grade. I won the general information contest godeffinggiven school year (long live trivia!!!). I loved writing but I always lost every essay writing conest. I guess I just didn't (still don't have) the discipline.
(12) Any embarassing experiences?
No. I was terrified of my mom storming into school and whacking my butt in front of the student body, so I had to maintain a perfect facade.
(13) Were you ever sent to the principals' office?
N-O.
(14) What was your most vivid memory of grade school?
Owing to my very good memory, I have tons of memories:
- Getting my C grade and being told that my talkativeness could get me a low gtrade.
- Everyone ganging up on me because I co-wrote (read: CO-WROTE) this super-mean song about a girl me and my two friends didn't like. Suddenly, my two co-composers deserted me and I was supposed to be the evil Mozart of Grade 4. And I had to stand up for an hour for my ugly behavior. Yes, I was soooooo sorry for it, but there were others involved. My co-writers eventually became the high school valedictorian and the other didn't finish her college degree and from what I heard, is now a single mom. (WOW!!! THE WHO???)
- Winning a province-wide quiz show sponsored by the Rotary Club. I thought, that was cool, answering a bunch of questions correctly and getting a trophy. And 3,000 bucks, I think. I remember getting exempted for a good number of exams because my teachers, who have cursed my blabber mouth, suddenly became superproud of me and eating a lot of McDonald's caramel sundaes, the height of luxury in Bacolod City that time.
- Going to confession with Msrg. Liu and celebrating mass once a month.
- Experiencing inflation with siao kai, from 25 - 50 centavos in one year!!!
- Eating in Celine's.
- Going to Nita's in case there was something out of the ordinary needed (protractor, art paper, bond paper).
(13) What was your graduation like?
Grade school graduation was uneventful.
(14) What was your grade school sountrack?
Soundtrack? If I remember correctly, The Bodyguard soundtrack was so popular when I was in Grade 6. NKOTB! Jeremy Jordan! Debbie effing Gibson! Tiffany! Michael Jackson! Gloria Estefan! JOSE MARI CHAN AND EFFING BEAUTIFUL GIRL AND CHRISTMAS IN OUR EFFING HEARTS!
(15) What were the most famous TV shows when you were in grade school?
Cable TV was still not that popular, so people were so into Maalaala Mo Kaya, Palibhasa Lalake, Maricel Drama Special, That's Entertainment, Doogie Howser MD, Blossom, Punky Brewster, Seaquest (I remember Darlene Sy with a mad crush on Johnathan Brandis), Karate Kats, Duck Tales, A-Team, Airwolf, McGAYVER!!! And of course, last but not the least, Beverly Hills 90210!!! You're so lost on Monday mornin if you didn't watch 90210 (it was shown on Friday night).
(16) Any grade school trends?
- Pencil case with the "piano"
- Pencil case with the buttons that you push to let out the ruler, magnifying glass, etc. (WHOTHEFECK NEEDED THE EFFING MAGNIFYING GLASS!!!)
- Pencil case with the "air freshener" aka pong-it/kulangot (those small smelly things)
- "Lata" pencil case
- Laffy taffy, Bubble Tape, and that chewing gum with the container that looks like a locker (that teachers asked for to convert as their chalk holders)
- Ball pens with smelly ink (Happy friends was the brand, I think, I had one and threw it, it gave me a headache)
- Bensia ballpens and may bala na pencil
- Automatic pencils with lead
- Smelly fruit erasers (I had a grape one which Martin Velez took a bite of. He was absent the next day.)
- Foot long ball pens (that you cannot put in your ultra-cool pencil case)
- BACKYARD! TAPUNGULAY! (Hwa Ming exclusive)
- Cleaners (I was always Thursday, alphabetical order, which is a good thing, Friday always gets to apply floor wax)
- Padako-dako contribution sa Mission (the Grade 5 triumvirate of class advisers: Mrs. Bosime, Mrs. Patalagsa, and Ms.Baroa were super keen on winning every damed year)
- Pop Swatch
- TRAPPER KEEPER (my mom put her foot down and did not let me have this, the 1 and only 1 trapper keeper fresh from my USA aunt was used by my sister)
- Merit pad paper and notebooks
- Those big Tiger lunchboxes + Coleman water jug
- Chinese jackstone, chinese garter, jumping rope (teddy bear, teddy bear...)
- Lagsanay (and its variation lagsanay-pungkuanay), tubiganay,tingayuhanay, and the classic UNDERS KINGDOM (the cause of lost buttons and torn sleeves among Hwa Ming grade school students, much to the woe of grade school teachers)
- AUTOGRAPH BOOKS!!! (Who was your first love: GOD, Who was your first kiss: PARENTS, What is love? Like a rosary, full of mystery.)
- AUTOGRAPH DEDICATIONS!!! (TCCIC, Thank you for giving me space to write in your beautiful autograph, Stay cool, and PICTURE TO FOLLOW!!!)
- GAME AND WATCH (I had the Popeye running around saving jumping fishes with a fishbowl G&W.)
- Speech plays for Grade 5 ((Hwa Ming exclusive: Cops and Robbers, Police Academy)
- Everyone bringing his or her own volleyball and basketball in the classroom
- Memorizing Shylock's Revenge, Mother and Child, and The Bumblebee (for Grade 4 Speech class, Hwa Ming exclusive)
- Archie comics
- CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE (padamuay)
Breaktime Laughs
As someone who evaluates English classes, I sometimes come across instances between students and teachers that end up being funny, mostly unintentionally. I do not pass judgement that harshly (I don't think of them as stupid or incompetent just because they slip into wrong grammar or mispronounce some words), and no way do I want to make fun of my teachers. In fact, I salute them for their efforts in getting their jobs done to the best of their abilities. Talking to 25 to 35 different people, with different personalities, backgrounds, ages, language competencies and different moods is no easy job, AT ALL. I have been there, done that before (the exact day before I signed my papers I had 39 (THIRTY EFFING NINE) students in my schedule - despedida???), so I should know better than to mock these people.
But hey, some slips are just plain funny and they're there to be noticed and brought to the teacher's attention for their improvement. If they're funny, then I'm no Grinch to turn poker-faced. Besides, it's good stress relief as well. Lastly, I'm not in any way perfect, but then this is my blog and I won't wash my dirty laundry filled with grammatical slips and mispronounced words in public.
My eight favorites transcribed (grammatical errors were transcribed as is, so if you think a sentence sounds wrong, it was said that way, don't go hating my typing skills, capish?):
(1) Teacher: Why do you like tiger?
Student: Yes.
Teacher: Do you know any tiger who's nice?
Student: Yes.
* By this time, I was like, "Hey teacher take a hint. The student's not understanding half of what you're saying. But then comes...*
Teacher: I'm a tiger. I'm nice too.
WTF? Did teacher suddenly turn feline on student??? Tarzan, isdatchu???
(2) Teacher: Are there pedestrians in Korea?
Me: Ummm, lemme guess. NO. Korean people have built-in wheels under their feet. Some of the more privileged ones (Heroes, Korean version) may have wings.
(3) Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Student: I want to be a doctor.
Teacher: Wow! Being a doctor is hard. So, be better be good in your studies, OK? So that you'll be a better doctor. Better days are here if you'll be a better student.
* Me: Di siya mahilig sa better.*
(4) Teacher: What did you do today?
Student: My school is on winter vacation.
* Methinks students have vacations, not schools.*
Teacher: No, no, no. Your school is not on vacation...
* Me: Yes, go on...*
Teacher: Your School is IN vacation.
* Me: Taena. Ginto na naging LBM pa.*
(5) Teacher: Our word for the day is "like". Use "like" in a sentence.
Student: SILENCE.
Teacher: Do you like you best friend?
Student: SILENCE.
Teacher: Is your best friend kind?
Student: SILENCE.
Teacher: Is your best friend funny?
Student: SILENCE.
Teacher: Is your best friend smart? Is he good? Is he understanding?
Student: ....Yes?...
Teacher: OK, say your sentence. "My best friend is understanding."
*Me: Di ba... Inutusang bumili ng tinapay sa tindahan sa kanto, pumuntang Megamall, at bumalik na may dalang harina.*
(6) Teacher: Any questions?
Student: Teachuh, what is a hose?
Teacher: Hose? Uhmmmmmmm...you know when there is fire...and fireman goes to the rescue...and takes out a long hose....and the water comes out........ WHOSSSSSSSSSSSH....WHOOOOOOOSH..... That's the hose.
Student: SILENCE.
* Me: SILENCE. LONG SILENCE. Yosi break, please.*
(7) Teacher: So you had general cleaning this weekend?
Student: Yes, we had...
Teacher: Oh, that's great! It's good to general clean. Everything is new, right? The only thing that are not new are the people. Hahaha. You really have to take away the old things and start for the new beginning. So, you're really looking forward for a brand new day. That's nice. It's a brand new things to come this year.
* Me: ................................FLOWERS. (YJ and Randy inside joke).*
(8) Teacher: So, you're really proud to be Korean huh?
Advanced student: Yeah, I remember in 2002 World Cup people were on the streets cherring, everyone was so united. I watched the soccer game in a large screen by the Han River. We beat Spain's sorry ass.
Teacher: *IGTING ANG TENGA* Oh... so what happened in 2006?
Student: Well....Korea...
Teacher: Got eliminated. And who's the #1 ranked tennis player?
Student: Uh...Nadal?
Teacher: Yep, he's from Spain. And who are the current European soccer champions?
Student: Um...Spain?
Teacher: Yep. And who are the current Davis Cup champions?
Student: I...
Teacher: Spain beat Argentina. Didn't Korea get eliminated in the...oh, FIRST ROUND?
Student: Oh...
Teacher: Uhuh.
Student: Ummm...teacher...are you Spanish?
Teacher: Ummm...no...I....I was just trying to play devil's advocate...hehehehe. So I guess, Korea is a great sporting country, huh?
Taena Macmac, wag mashadong pahalata!!! Affected much?
But hey, some slips are just plain funny and they're there to be noticed and brought to the teacher's attention for their improvement. If they're funny, then I'm no Grinch to turn poker-faced. Besides, it's good stress relief as well. Lastly, I'm not in any way perfect, but then this is my blog and I won't wash my dirty laundry filled with grammatical slips and mispronounced words in public.
My eight favorites transcribed (grammatical errors were transcribed as is, so if you think a sentence sounds wrong, it was said that way, don't go hating my typing skills, capish?):
(1) Teacher: Why do you like tiger?
Student: Yes.
Teacher: Do you know any tiger who's nice?
Student: Yes.
* By this time, I was like, "Hey teacher take a hint. The student's not understanding half of what you're saying. But then comes...*
Teacher: I'm a tiger. I'm nice too.
WTF? Did teacher suddenly turn feline on student??? Tarzan, isdatchu???
(2) Teacher: Are there pedestrians in Korea?
Me: Ummm, lemme guess. NO. Korean people have built-in wheels under their feet. Some of the more privileged ones (Heroes, Korean version) may have wings.
(3) Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Student: I want to be a doctor.
Teacher: Wow! Being a doctor is hard. So, be better be good in your studies, OK? So that you'll be a better doctor. Better days are here if you'll be a better student.
* Me: Di siya mahilig sa better.*
(4) Teacher: What did you do today?
Student: My school is on winter vacation.
* Methinks students have vacations, not schools.*
Teacher: No, no, no. Your school is not on vacation...
* Me: Yes, go on...*
Teacher: Your School is IN vacation.
* Me: Taena. Ginto na naging LBM pa.*
(5) Teacher: Our word for the day is "like". Use "like" in a sentence.
Student: SILENCE.
Teacher: Do you like you best friend?
Student: SILENCE.
Teacher: Is your best friend kind?
Student: SILENCE.
Teacher: Is your best friend funny?
Student: SILENCE.
Teacher: Is your best friend smart? Is he good? Is he understanding?
Student: ....Yes?...
Teacher: OK, say your sentence. "My best friend is understanding."
*Me: Di ba... Inutusang bumili ng tinapay sa tindahan sa kanto, pumuntang Megamall, at bumalik na may dalang harina.*
(6) Teacher: Any questions?
Student: Teachuh, what is a hose?
Teacher: Hose? Uhmmmmmmm...you know when there is fire...and fireman goes to the rescue...and takes out a long hose....and the water comes out........ WHOSSSSSSSSSSSH....WHOOOOOOOSH..... That's the hose.
Student: SILENCE.
* Me: SILENCE. LONG SILENCE. Yosi break, please.*
(7) Teacher: So you had general cleaning this weekend?
Student: Yes, we had...
Teacher: Oh, that's great! It's good to general clean. Everything is new, right? The only thing that are not new are the people. Hahaha. You really have to take away the old things and start for the new beginning. So, you're really looking forward for a brand new day. That's nice. It's a brand new things to come this year.
* Me: ................................FLOWERS. (YJ and Randy inside joke).*
(8) Teacher: So, you're really proud to be Korean huh?
Advanced student: Yeah, I remember in 2002 World Cup people were on the streets cherring, everyone was so united. I watched the soccer game in a large screen by the Han River. We beat Spain's sorry ass.
Teacher: *IGTING ANG TENGA* Oh... so what happened in 2006?
Student: Well....Korea...
Teacher: Got eliminated. And who's the #1 ranked tennis player?
Student: Uh...Nadal?
Teacher: Yep, he's from Spain. And who are the current European soccer champions?
Student: Um...Spain?
Teacher: Yep. And who are the current Davis Cup champions?
Student: I...
Teacher: Spain beat Argentina. Didn't Korea get eliminated in the...oh, FIRST ROUND?
Student: Oh...
Teacher: Uhuh.
Student: Ummm...teacher...are you Spanish?
Teacher: Ummm...no...I....I was just trying to play devil's advocate...hehehehe. So I guess, Korea is a great sporting country, huh?
Taena Macmac, wag mashadong pahalata!!! Affected much?
EPAL: Eight Points at Lusog: Vicky, Cristina, Barcelona
(1) Lusog? Yes, lusog as in healthy. That's how Scarlett Johanssen's breasts are - healthy, beautiful, well-placed, and allegedly all-natural. Oprah, God bless her soul, can rally all she wants behind Kate Winslet's "real" breasts that starred in The Reader. But I am with Scarlett, all the way.
(2) So, I shall refer to Ms. Johanssen's breasts as THE Breasts of Scarlett (aka THEBoS, as inspired by Gualby/Almer's THE Sarah Gerone quip). THEBoS were brought to my attention by friend who wanted to donate the 2 hours she wasted on THE KChard film to KC for her acting lessons, when she texted that THoS deserve separate billing in the movie He's Just Not That Into You. I haven't watched that movie yet and I forgot where I placed that Vanity Fair cover with Scarlett, THEBoS, Tom Ford, and Keira Knightley, so I didn't really have a mental picture. When I first watched VCB last January, I really didn't mind THEBoS, as I was more into checking if Javier Bardem was flabby (he's not) and if Penelope was deserving of the awards buzz she had been getting (this was before the Oscars and GGs, when she usually lost to Ms. Winslet in the previous derbies).
(3) So, to get a picture of THEBoS, I watched Vicky, Cristina, Barcelona again.
WOW.
THEBoS did not disappoint. IN VCB, THEBoS made two prominent appearances: first when Cristina (Johanssen) and Juan antonio (Bardem) were doing it on the floor and they (THEBoS) were strategically covered by Juan antonio's arms and second when Cristina was awakened by Juan Antonio as he had to go to the hospital to fetch Maria Elena and THEBoS were delicately covered in white sheets- this was the more prominent appearance.
Glorious! BRAVO!!! Sure beats Castaway's Wilson as best performance in a non-speaking part. To think they were covered on both scenes. BUT DAMN!!! Such health, richness and beauty! Hell, yes THoS deserves separate billing. Can we have THoS included in the opening AND closing credits of whatever Ms. Johanssen's next movie is, please. These are hard-working, beautiful breasts. I wouldn't go as far as giving them Oscar statuettes, but they deserve their own Academy and Actors' Guild membership, I guess. Coupled with that raspy, I-can-still-sound-damn-sexy-even-if-I-just-read-the-phonebook voice, the sensual combo of THEBoS and the voice are a sure way to get industrial-strength boners in no time.
(4) So, now that I think I've given enough tribute to THEBoS, I just thought, Scarlett + THEBoS + his hotness Ryan Reynolds. Damn, no wonder why they got married faster than anyone can say "pre-nup". Oh, I'm supposed to write about VCB. I digress.
(5) Rebecca Hall did excellently as Vicky. I don't think she has gotten enough props for the way she portrayed the idealistic, seemingly stuck-up character. Hall found the right attack to her character, giving it the right amount of prim and proper without coming off as a Miss Minchin, anal, party pooper stereotype.
(6) Penelope Cruz, whose cleavage also deserved proper billing in her Oscar-nominated performance in Volver 2 years ago, does well as Maria Elena, the unstable ex-husband of amorous painter Juan Antonio. I think the kind of crazy she put into the character was the typical bungangera uberpassionate stereotypical Latina crazy which I didn't think she had difficulty getting into character with. The somber drab look certainly helped her establish how loony Maria Elena was. One of my favorite performances of the year, but then again the other supporting actress performances his year were really strong as well.
(7) I am not particularly a die-hard fan of Woody Allen, as I've only seen very few Woody Allen films (Annie Hall, Manhattan, Everybody Says I Love You, and Match Point), I have to say that this would top my list as my favorite Woody Allen film. It maintains a unique brand of wit Mr. Allen's films are famous for, yet stays very contemporary. I've always had this notion of Woody Allen's films as dated, but this one is very fresh.
(8) There is still somewhat a strong Woody Allen mark in the movie - the hanging ending, characters who take their melancholia in stride, the 3rd person narration is Woody Allen, only in a different voice. The somber core of the movie's theme gets a fresh, breezy treatment, thanks to Johansson's free-spirited character and the setting's beauty - Barcelona's vibrance, color, and life. The result is a beautiful balance, and I liked my dose of Woody Allen no-so-lite (but not heavy at all), thank you.
Eight Points at Lait (EPAL): When I Met U
(1) Yes, the title was not erroneously typed. It's really U as in U that's short for university, U that's the 21st letter of the alphabet, U as in one of 'e, letters the Germans like to put an umlaut on the top of, which texters have then used to make messages cuter and friendlier.
(2) As part of the movie's title, the "U" just showed the producer's (or whichever genius thought of using the effing letter) desperation to make the cursed movie cuter than it already is supposed to be. Of course, the end result looks plain stupid. So stupid I started thinking of ways to complete the title. Here are some attempts:
When I met U, I realized that I only have 5 letters to go before memorizing the entire alphabet.
When I met U, I wondered if you were Burmese, as U is used as an honorific address in Burma/Myanmar (e.g. former UN secretary general U Thant).
When I met U, I found out that I really didn't care much, so much so that I couldn't bring myself to spell an effing 3-letter pronoun that refers to U.
When I met U, I found out that you're one sloppy speller and I got turned off.
When I met U, I got amazed by the amount of ink that you saved by disregarding the letters y and o.
When I met U, I was regaled by UR stories of avoiding carpal tunnel syndrome by just typing U in UR txt msgs.
(3) The U in When I met U sounds corny, cheesy, and feels like it was thought of by someone who was just downright lazy and spelled poorly. Please, no excuses of "it has been done before." The prior use of U in a movie title was in "My Only U" with Toni Gonzaga and Vhong Navarro, use of which is forgivable because: (a) The latter movie was a comedy, a genre that gives enough leeway for silly titles, (b) A movie with its main star named V-H-O-N-G can get away with bloody murder.
(4) The movie has Richard Gutierrez in stages of undress. True, true, they're stuck in an island, Richard has a great torso, Richard undressed is a gay audience crowd-drawer. What bothered me was how too perfect he is. Seeing him shirtless reminds me of those food items displayed in front of fast food restaurants and food courts. They look so shiny, perfect, and mouth-watering but upon closer inspection, of course, they're not real and they're made out of resin, lacquered or varnished to perfection. So not unlike Mazjh's perfect wedding bouquet, simple yet exquisite. Conclusion: Richard Gutierrez looks varnished. I was worried that he would do a Steven Segal while they were stuck in the island. Good thing he roughed up a teeny-weeny bit. By Steven Segal, I mean someone who doesn't get bruised, get hurt, or dislocate a strand of hair even while hell and high water have risen. Go ahead, watch any of Mr. Segal's films, quick. That pony tail ain't moving nowhere.
(5) KC was cruelly casted as a promo girl. To achieve promo girl persona, KC adapts this parlorista/palengkera demeanor, complete with accent. Please, parlorista demeanor complete with accent + alabaster skin DOES NOT A promo girl make. Never in a million years have I seen a promo girl as flawless as her. Someone as beautiful as KC can do promos for cigarettes or cocktail drinks in bars or nightspots, but grocery store promo girl? Naglolokohan ba tayo?
(6) First film with KC and Richard was filmed in Greece. The story was cheesy as a bottle of Cheeze Whiz, with musical number to seal the deal. Wonderful Greek vistas saved the film. In this film, Palawan was beautifully shot, and that and only that saved the film from being unwatchable. Thus, when the two too-beautiful-for-their-own-sakes marooned people finally got rescued out of the island, excrement began/resumed. Iya Villania was not as bad as Alfred Vargas, who played KC's needy boyfriend, complete with forlorn choirboy eyes. Ugh. Wasn't this guy good in the Tanghalang Ateneo plays he starred in?
(7) For a movie that promised to be better than the first movie of the KC-Richard tandem, it wasn’t that big of a leap. I found myself lost in the sea of unnecessary subplots and melodrama. Uck. I needed some rescuing as badly as, if not more than, the movie’s two leads.
(8) Rica's movie review expresses her desire to have the two hours she spent in watching the movie back and give it to KC for the latter's acting lessons. I, on the other hand, would like my two hours back by tearing the movie to pieces for the said time. Once I've consumed two hours in degrading the movie, I shall call it even, and the cosmos shall return to its proper order. A day after watching the movie, aforementioned blogger and I exchanged text messages about the movie's demerits for about 20 minutes. Now, I am spending an hour blogging this entry. 40 more minutes and justice shall be mine. After all, as someone who we shall call Cedie once said, "Ang sarap kayang manlait!"
(2) As part of the movie's title, the "U" just showed the producer's (or whichever genius thought of using the effing letter) desperation to make the cursed movie cuter than it already is supposed to be. Of course, the end result looks plain stupid. So stupid I started thinking of ways to complete the title. Here are some attempts:
When I met U, I realized that I only have 5 letters to go before memorizing the entire alphabet.
When I met U, I wondered if you were Burmese, as U is used as an honorific address in Burma/Myanmar (e.g. former UN secretary general U Thant).
When I met U, I found out that I really didn't care much, so much so that I couldn't bring myself to spell an effing 3-letter pronoun that refers to U.
When I met U, I found out that you're one sloppy speller and I got turned off.
When I met U, I got amazed by the amount of ink that you saved by disregarding the letters y and o.
When I met U, I was regaled by UR stories of avoiding carpal tunnel syndrome by just typing U in UR txt msgs.
(3) The U in When I met U sounds corny, cheesy, and feels like it was thought of by someone who was just downright lazy and spelled poorly. Please, no excuses of "it has been done before." The prior use of U in a movie title was in "My Only U" with Toni Gonzaga and Vhong Navarro, use of which is forgivable because: (a) The latter movie was a comedy, a genre that gives enough leeway for silly titles, (b) A movie with its main star named V-H-O-N-G can get away with bloody murder.
(4) The movie has Richard Gutierrez in stages of undress. True, true, they're stuck in an island, Richard has a great torso, Richard undressed is a gay audience crowd-drawer. What bothered me was how too perfect he is. Seeing him shirtless reminds me of those food items displayed in front of fast food restaurants and food courts. They look so shiny, perfect, and mouth-watering but upon closer inspection, of course, they're not real and they're made out of resin, lacquered or varnished to perfection. So not unlike Mazjh's perfect wedding bouquet, simple yet exquisite. Conclusion: Richard Gutierrez looks varnished. I was worried that he would do a Steven Segal while they were stuck in the island. Good thing he roughed up a teeny-weeny bit. By Steven Segal, I mean someone who doesn't get bruised, get hurt, or dislocate a strand of hair even while hell and high water have risen. Go ahead, watch any of Mr. Segal's films, quick. That pony tail ain't moving nowhere.
(5) KC was cruelly casted as a promo girl. To achieve promo girl persona, KC adapts this parlorista/palengkera demeanor, complete with accent. Please, parlorista demeanor complete with accent + alabaster skin DOES NOT A promo girl make. Never in a million years have I seen a promo girl as flawless as her. Someone as beautiful as KC can do promos for cigarettes or cocktail drinks in bars or nightspots, but grocery store promo girl? Naglolokohan ba tayo?
(6) First film with KC and Richard was filmed in Greece. The story was cheesy as a bottle of Cheeze Whiz, with musical number to seal the deal. Wonderful Greek vistas saved the film. In this film, Palawan was beautifully shot, and that and only that saved the film from being unwatchable. Thus, when the two too-beautiful-for-their-own-sakes marooned people finally got rescued out of the island, excrement began/resumed. Iya Villania was not as bad as Alfred Vargas, who played KC's needy boyfriend, complete with forlorn choirboy eyes. Ugh. Wasn't this guy good in the Tanghalang Ateneo plays he starred in?
(7) For a movie that promised to be better than the first movie of the KC-Richard tandem, it wasn’t that big of a leap. I found myself lost in the sea of unnecessary subplots and melodrama. Uck. I needed some rescuing as badly as, if not more than, the movie’s two leads.
(8) Rica's movie review expresses her desire to have the two hours she spent in watching the movie back and give it to KC for the latter's acting lessons. I, on the other hand, would like my two hours back by tearing the movie to pieces for the said time. Once I've consumed two hours in degrading the movie, I shall call it even, and the cosmos shall return to its proper order. A day after watching the movie, aforementioned blogger and I exchanged text messages about the movie's demerits for about 20 minutes. Now, I am spending an hour blogging this entry. 40 more minutes and justice shall be mine. After all, as someone who we shall call Cedie once said, "Ang sarap kayang manlait!"
It's the end of the world as we know it (or at least, as Wall Street would like us to believe)
Friend after looking at a newspaper headline: Ano naman ang kinalaman ng Unchained Meloday sa ekonomiya ng mundo?
Me stares at her blankly.
Friend: Lehman brothers? Kumanta ng Unchained Melody? HELLO????
Me wonders why I'm having this conversation.
Friend, because she has to have the last word: Lehman Brothers lang, di mo pa alam? Daaaah. (rolls eyes)
Me starts praying for more pressing matters, like world peace and lunch.
Me stares at her blankly.
Friend: Lehman brothers? Kumanta ng Unchained Melody? HELLO????
Me wonders why I'm having this conversation.
Friend, because she has to have the last word: Lehman Brothers lang, di mo pa alam? Daaaah. (rolls eyes)
Me starts praying for more pressing matters, like world peace and lunch.
Random musings on this day of our Lord, the 19th of September in the year 2008, a.k.a more than a a week after my 29th birthday (pt. 3)
As a kid, I was never scared of the usual stuff kids were scared of. I like the darkness, it may give me the creeps sometimes but not to a point when I get pee-in-the-pants scared. Nor was I scared if monsters in the closet or under the bed, insects, reptiles, or any mythological, make-believe, or unidentified creature of folklore. Blood, death, or anything related to the macabre were, at a time, more fascinating and intriguing than frightening. School bullies bored me, and I think I also bored them eventually.
But that didn't stop me from being scared of Mr. Clean.
I couldn't remember, for the life of me, how I started getting frightened of him. Yes, I WAS scared of Mr. Clean, as in the hunk of a bald guy wearing an immaculately white muscle tee, with white eyebrows, an earring, and a sinister smile. I do remember, though, a life-size likeness of him, made out of cardboard and whatnot, guarding the entrance/package counter of this grocery store my mom and I frequented, because it was next to the jeepney loading station for City Heights (aka geriatric neighborhood I blogged about earlier), making it most convenient for us to buy last-minute groceries. Mothers have it in their genetic code to sense their children's fears, so my mom tells me to wait outside if she has to buy something in the store. This was 1980s Bacolod - kidnapping was not in in anyone's vocabulary, just starvation and the threat of looking like a Batang Negros (refer to earlier thread). If I wanted to come inside the store to drive my mom crazy and beg her to buy me chocolate or some nutrient-deficient snack with a free toy, I would drag her as hard as I can and run like it's nobody's business while avoiding Mr. Clean's steady gaze.
I remember feeling overwhelmingly relieved when, sometime in 1985 ( I was about to turn 6), we passed by the store and Mr. Clean was missing. I finally got to see what the package counter attendant looks like, with my mom assuring me that he has been in charge since 1983. I remember getting a puzzled look from him, as he may have probably thought that I was scared of him. For the first time in the history of my family shopping on that store, I was free of anxiety, far from getting a juvenile heart attack.
(to be continued)
But that didn't stop me from being scared of Mr. Clean.
I couldn't remember, for the life of me, how I started getting frightened of him. Yes, I WAS scared of Mr. Clean, as in the hunk of a bald guy wearing an immaculately white muscle tee, with white eyebrows, an earring, and a sinister smile. I do remember, though, a life-size likeness of him, made out of cardboard and whatnot, guarding the entrance/package counter of this grocery store my mom and I frequented, because it was next to the jeepney loading station for City Heights (aka geriatric neighborhood I blogged about earlier), making it most convenient for us to buy last-minute groceries. Mothers have it in their genetic code to sense their children's fears, so my mom tells me to wait outside if she has to buy something in the store. This was 1980s Bacolod - kidnapping was not in in anyone's vocabulary, just starvation and the threat of looking like a Batang Negros (refer to earlier thread). If I wanted to come inside the store to drive my mom crazy and beg her to buy me chocolate or some nutrient-deficient snack with a free toy, I would drag her as hard as I can and run like it's nobody's business while avoiding Mr. Clean's steady gaze.
I remember feeling overwhelmingly relieved when, sometime in 1985 ( I was about to turn 6), we passed by the store and Mr. Clean was missing. I finally got to see what the package counter attendant looks like, with my mom assuring me that he has been in charge since 1983. I remember getting a puzzled look from him, as he may have probably thought that I was scared of him. For the first time in the history of my family shopping on that store, I was free of anxiety, far from getting a juvenile heart attack.
(to be continued)
Random musings on this day of our Lord, the 16th of September in the year 2008, a.k.a a week after my 29th birthday (pt. 2)
feeling: long weekend hangover (I celebrated Cheusok, suckers)!!! But I'm good, I'm feeling light and not overwhelmed by the delayed start of my work week song: Abriendo caminos, Diego Torres y Juan Luis Guerra (to supplement my easy, breezy mood)
Come to think of it, when I was in kindergarten, I was more proficient in Chinese, both in Mandarin and Fookien than in Tagalog. I learned Chinese the whole afternoon, complete with Bible verses to memorize (I was studying in a Chinese Baptist school, o ha???), the family tree (paternal uncles and maternal uncles are called differently), and the multiplication table come the 2nd year of kindergarten (up until table of 3). My Tagalog was honed by ear, thanks to Pong Pagong, Kiko Matsing, Ate Sienna, Kuya Bodgie in Batitbot, and later by Kuya Germs and his battalion of That's Entertainment starlets. Of course, I had to learn Filipino (at the time when the school subject was stilled spelled with a P; I've forgotten when DECS [so '80s, aren't they called DepEd now?] ) in grade school, which coincided with my transfer to a school that didn't really stress on Chinese education (think Xavier). Thus, my Chinese took a nosedive. To think I was the 1st student with zero Chinese ancestry to finish on top of the class in Chinese. So, now, in a 100% scale, I can only understand 30% max, with contextual clues, and read, write, and speak... 5%. Oh, what a waste!
Looking back, I'm grateful though that I was exposed to different cultures at an early age as it cultivated my interest in foreign languages and the like. Maybe I should give that Ateneo Professional Schools brochure a second look.*
* APS (Salcedo Village campus), in partnership with the Confucian Institute, is offering Mandarin lessons in different levels.
Come to think of it, when I was in kindergarten, I was more proficient in Chinese, both in Mandarin and Fookien than in Tagalog. I learned Chinese the whole afternoon, complete with Bible verses to memorize (I was studying in a Chinese Baptist school, o ha???), the family tree (paternal uncles and maternal uncles are called differently), and the multiplication table come the 2nd year of kindergarten (up until table of 3). My Tagalog was honed by ear, thanks to Pong Pagong, Kiko Matsing, Ate Sienna, Kuya Bodgie in Batitbot, and later by Kuya Germs and his battalion of That's Entertainment starlets. Of course, I had to learn Filipino (at the time when the school subject was stilled spelled with a P; I've forgotten when DECS [so '80s, aren't they called DepEd now?] ) in grade school, which coincided with my transfer to a school that didn't really stress on Chinese education (think Xavier). Thus, my Chinese took a nosedive. To think I was the 1st student with zero Chinese ancestry to finish on top of the class in Chinese. So, now, in a 100% scale, I can only understand 30% max, with contextual clues, and read, write, and speak... 5%. Oh, what a waste!
Looking back, I'm grateful though that I was exposed to different cultures at an early age as it cultivated my interest in foreign languages and the like. Maybe I should give that Ateneo Professional Schools brochure a second look.*
* APS (Salcedo Village campus), in partnership with the Confucian Institute, is offering Mandarin lessons in different levels.
Random musings on this day of our Lord, the 8th of September in the year 2008, a.k.a my 29th birthday (part 1 of 29)
I am currently feasting on a slice of melon, a cheese spread sandwich, and a pitcher of orange juice. This brings me back to my kindergarten days, back to when life was still mundanely easy and I could still count the years id my existence with the fingers of one hand. also, I remembered the woe I would cause my mom when I would come home from school with my lunch box still containing an uneaten peanut butter sandwich and a tumbler full of orange juice, untouched. See, I manifested early signs of obsessive-compulsive behavior (read: homosexuality) by refusing to consume anything that is not color-coordinated. Thus, a peanut butter sandwich should go with chocolate milk, a cheese sandwich must be paired with orange juice, and milk, preferably Anchor (Nido and Birch Tree made me wanna puke), was to be drunk at lunch with white rice and whatever viand.
My fixation with colors ended one day when my mom, in a sermon which probably lasted for an hour, but for a 6 year-old kid felt like the whole afternoon, showed me a picture of the infamous batang Negros.
(not the precise picture, but you got my point, I hope)
For '80s kids, the Batang Negros, with ribs poking out and a bloated stomach, was every parent's weapon against children who have picky appetites. Alas, as much as I did not like mixing colors, I didn't want flies and other insects swarming all over me. As THE Mariah Carey once allegedly said, " Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." Thus, my career with colors was cut short. Oh, the possibilities.
My fixation with colors ended one day when my mom, in a sermon which probably lasted for an hour, but for a 6 year-old kid felt like the whole afternoon, showed me a picture of the infamous batang Negros.
(not the precise picture, but you got my point, I hope)
It's (insert adjective here) to be back in your hometown
What's quite cool about working as a teacher online is having holidays when your students want to stay stupid. It gets better when you teach students abroad, because you celebrate holidays of their countries and you get double pay to work during Philippine holidays. I mean, who cares about that EDSA thing when you get to go to the office hassle and traffic free and you get to have an ultra-long weekend from the 6th to the 10th for Seollal, or Lunar New Year? Happiness!
So, I decided to surprise my family, whom I haven't seen as a whole for two years , by going home. Pro: lots and lots of R&R. Con: loads of food, as there is absolutely nothing to do in Bacolod other than stuffing oneself with calories way over RDA limits. With hunger killing countless victims in destitute places, I know it may be audacious to put food as a con. But try visiting Bacolod and you'll get my drift. The only other activity is trying to burn excess calories by walking the long stretches of Gaisano, Robinsons, or the relatively new SM mall, the latter my mother chose as the site for my one-and-only consented TSABS appearance.
TSABS - (pronounced as tee-sabz) to see and be seen appearance. A term coined by my first officements and I to call that almost-perfunctionary public appearance a probinsyana/o who has been away when s/he comes back to her/his province, to function as a walking trophy by his/her parents and be a walking billboard to remind everyone that they are being graced by the presence of someone fresh from wherever. It is always assumed that the TSABS-er has made it big wherever s/he has been, or else s/he wouldn't have the face/nerve/guts to display her/himself in public. Also, it is assumed that the TSABS-er will greet, kiss, smile, or acknowledge the presence of everyone, from long-lost relatives to unrecognizable kindergarten classmates, or stand the chance of getting branded as thinking too highly of her/himself to socialize with small-town nobodies. Thus, the TSABS-er must strike a prefect balance between looking spiffed and chic (or else be plagued with "Yun ba ang galing Manila, ba't parang namulubi?" looks) and being Ms./Mr. Congeniality (or else beauty parlors the next day will abound with stories along the line of "Abaw, ang bata ni ***** nag-abot, daw si sin-o na guid. Nakatapak lang sa Manila wala na guid gapamugno, daw namenusan na guid di sa aton.")
My sister survived her TSABS ordeal years ago when she came back from Manila and decided to work in Bacolod. She's not all ma-chicka and the works, she breezed through her homecoming after the first week by smiling and teenybopper-ing her then 25-year old self around town. I, on the other hand, am awkwardness personfied. I so happen to be every family's TSABS nightmare. People who know me should know that I'm NOT the best in quick friendship-building and superficial relationships unless my dear life depended on them. Heck, I'm awkward with anyone I haven't seen in 3 days, how much more with people I haven't seen since I was in my Trinity Christian School uniform? I spent every college Christmas vacation hibernating in my home; unavoidable family get-togethers are dealt with an hour's guest appearance. High school reunions? I honestly don't have time for them, especially when a rare Maggie Cheung movie is shown on Star Mandarin and I'm thinking I'd be stuck with Studio 23 in Rosby's/Dave's TV when I get back to Cervini. Yes, I have been called anti-social. You, dearest reader, are most probably not. We live in a diverse society. That's what makes the world such an interesting place, cue swelling orchestra music. To make it crystal clear, unless you are Daniel Brühl inviting me on a date, DO NOT bother trying to get me out of my house during my oh-so-rare visits.
Also, unless you're my mom telling me to get my lazy ass out of my bed and get fresh air.
I don't think my mom is aware of the TSABS phenomenon. If she is, I'm sure she is fully well-aware of her son's allergy with it. Thus, when she tells me to see the outdoors, she comes especially equipped with subtle hints of me getting new stuff. I may have adapted to life here in Manila, true, but it actually is all the more reason for me to fully appreciate the language of FREE. As far as I am concerned, the only appropriate responses to free would be "yes," "of course," and "why not". Responses to the opposite would be downright rude. Otherwise, invitations to go to malls in my dear city "just for the heck of it" have been answered by yours truly with reactions ranging from looks of autistic ignorance (Mall? *me stares into space*) to blatant statements of "In Manila, I eat, watch movies, shop, and undergo most of my existence in malls , and you want me to go to a mall here, too?"
Thus, on the 4th day of my surprise visit, with my mom equipped with the language of free, I succumbed. Not proud of it, but alas, my defenses crumbled. It was a Saturday afternoon, so the mall was filled with people. I saw some old classmates, who I thought were looking at the opposite direction. I didn't bother. I broke ruler no. 2 of TSABS. I don't care. As for rule no. 1, I did try to look presentable though. I psyched myself for a possible paparazzi attack; I wouldn't want pictures of me looking ratty splashed across the tabloids. Humor me.
I did see a lot of familiar faces, I didn't put on the Ms. Sunny Sunshine visage. I don't want to come across as too assuming. What if they aren't who I thought they were? Spare me the embarrassment! On with the TSABS! Enter Prodigal Son sans drama! Enter Serena van der Woodsen! Enter the Count of Monte Cristo! Enter me!
I saw somebody though. My first school crush. Oh dear, I actually held my breath! Oh, the tingling sensation. Aforementioned crush was in a different year, so we were never classmates. But it sure made my day to see the person. The sight of crush was a calm oasis amidst the bullying, irritating teachers, more irritating classmates, and most irritating lessons. The Chinese-ness of our school showed every time we had to enter class by forming effing lines, whether it be after morning assembly, after recess, after lunch, after every frigging time. But I didn't mind that much, as it was a chance to see crush. Enter Twilight zone/Mao Zedong propaganda music for some readers who might be creeped out at this point, but for me it was always birds chirping, squirrels coming out of their burrows, and Snow White in coloratura soprano singing "I'm Wishing."
SO. EFFING. HIGH. SCHOOL. *Sigh*
Tugging along crush was with two chubby toddlers. Twins. So cute and cuddly. Looks exactly like crush. Two steps behind was another familiar face. My mom followed where I was looking and told me about crush having a family and being an architect and all.
TAKE ME BACK TO MANILA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I decided to surprise my family, whom I haven't seen as a whole for two years , by going home. Pro: lots and lots of R&R. Con: loads of food, as there is absolutely nothing to do in Bacolod other than stuffing oneself with calories way over RDA limits. With hunger killing countless victims in destitute places, I know it may be audacious to put food as a con. But try visiting Bacolod and you'll get my drift. The only other activity is trying to burn excess calories by walking the long stretches of Gaisano, Robinsons, or the relatively new SM mall, the latter my mother chose as the site for my one-and-only consented TSABS appearance.
TSABS - (pronounced as tee-sabz) to see and be seen appearance. A term coined by my first officements and I to call that almost-perfunctionary public appearance a probinsyana/o who has been away when s/he comes back to her/his province, to function as a walking trophy by his/her parents and be a walking billboard to remind everyone that they are being graced by the presence of someone fresh from wherever. It is always assumed that the TSABS-er has made it big wherever s/he has been, or else s/he wouldn't have the face/nerve/guts to display her/himself in public. Also, it is assumed that the TSABS-er will greet, kiss, smile, or acknowledge the presence of everyone, from long-lost relatives to unrecognizable kindergarten classmates, or stand the chance of getting branded as thinking too highly of her/himself to socialize with small-town nobodies. Thus, the TSABS-er must strike a prefect balance between looking spiffed and chic (or else be plagued with "Yun ba ang galing Manila, ba't parang namulubi?" looks) and being Ms./Mr. Congeniality (or else beauty parlors the next day will abound with stories along the line of "Abaw, ang bata ni ***** nag-abot, daw si sin-o na guid. Nakatapak lang sa Manila wala na guid gapamugno, daw namenusan na guid di sa aton.")
My sister survived her TSABS ordeal years ago when she came back from Manila and decided to work in Bacolod. She's not all ma-chicka and the works, she breezed through her homecoming after the first week by smiling and teenybopper-ing her then 25-year old self around town. I, on the other hand, am awkwardness personfied. I so happen to be every family's TSABS nightmare. People who know me should know that I'm NOT the best in quick friendship-building and superficial relationships unless my dear life depended on them. Heck, I'm awkward with anyone I haven't seen in 3 days, how much more with people I haven't seen since I was in my Trinity Christian School uniform? I spent every college Christmas vacation hibernating in my home; unavoidable family get-togethers are dealt with an hour's guest appearance. High school reunions? I honestly don't have time for them, especially when a rare Maggie Cheung movie is shown on Star Mandarin and I'm thinking I'd be stuck with Studio 23 in Rosby's/Dave's TV when I get back to Cervini. Yes, I have been called anti-social. You, dearest reader, are most probably not. We live in a diverse society. That's what makes the world such an interesting place, cue swelling orchestra music. To make it crystal clear, unless you are Daniel Brühl inviting me on a date, DO NOT bother trying to get me out of my house during my oh-so-rare visits.
Also, unless you're my mom telling me to get my lazy ass out of my bed and get fresh air.
I don't think my mom is aware of the TSABS phenomenon. If she is, I'm sure she is fully well-aware of her son's allergy with it. Thus, when she tells me to see the outdoors, she comes especially equipped with subtle hints of me getting new stuff. I may have adapted to life here in Manila, true, but it actually is all the more reason for me to fully appreciate the language of FREE. As far as I am concerned, the only appropriate responses to free would be "yes," "of course," and "why not". Responses to the opposite would be downright rude. Otherwise, invitations to go to malls in my dear city "just for the heck of it" have been answered by yours truly with reactions ranging from looks of autistic ignorance (Mall? *me stares into space*) to blatant statements of "In Manila, I eat, watch movies, shop, and undergo most of my existence in malls , and you want me to go to a mall here, too?"
Thus, on the 4th day of my surprise visit, with my mom equipped with the language of free, I succumbed. Not proud of it, but alas, my defenses crumbled. It was a Saturday afternoon, so the mall was filled with people. I saw some old classmates, who I thought were looking at the opposite direction. I didn't bother. I broke ruler no. 2 of TSABS. I don't care. As for rule no. 1, I did try to look presentable though. I psyched myself for a possible paparazzi attack; I wouldn't want pictures of me looking ratty splashed across the tabloids. Humor me.
I did see a lot of familiar faces, I didn't put on the Ms. Sunny Sunshine visage. I don't want to come across as too assuming. What if they aren't who I thought they were? Spare me the embarrassment! On with the TSABS! Enter Prodigal Son sans drama! Enter Serena van der Woodsen! Enter the Count of Monte Cristo! Enter me!
I saw somebody though. My first school crush. Oh dear, I actually held my breath! Oh, the tingling sensation. Aforementioned crush was in a different year, so we were never classmates. But it sure made my day to see the person. The sight of crush was a calm oasis amidst the bullying, irritating teachers, more irritating classmates, and most irritating lessons. The Chinese-ness of our school showed every time we had to enter class by forming effing lines, whether it be after morning assembly, after recess, after lunch, after every frigging time. But I didn't mind that much, as it was a chance to see crush. Enter Twilight zone/Mao Zedong propaganda music for some readers who might be creeped out at this point, but for me it was always birds chirping, squirrels coming out of their burrows, and Snow White in coloratura soprano singing "I'm Wishing."
SO. EFFING. HIGH. SCHOOL. *Sigh*
Tugging along crush was with two chubby toddlers. Twins. So cute and cuddly. Looks exactly like crush. Two steps behind was another familiar face. My mom followed where I was looking and told me about crush having a family and being an architect and all.
TAKE ME BACK TO MANILA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One night, in a quiet neighborhood....
Pasado alas-once at pauwi ako nang mapansin ko na lahat ng tao sa neighborhood ay nasa labas ng kani-kanilang bahay. Bigla akong kinabahan. May sunog? May pinatay? Sinaniban ako ni Gus Abelgas at nakiishmukuy.
Biglang may sumigaw galing sa pinakadulong bahay.
Still unidentified voice: Hoy, Gerry!!!! Lumabas ka dito!!!! Sisirain ko ang pinto!!! Mayaman ako ngayon at puede kong sirain ang pintong to. Tang&(%^$ mo!!! Lumabas ka.
Upon closer inspection, nakilala ko ang sumisigaw as Gerald, kapatid ni Gerry. Kilala ko sila dahil may sari-sari store sila, kung saan ako bumibili ng RC (so probinsya!) Si Gerry ay isang karpentero. Si Gerald ay isang extra. YES, AS IN EXTRA SA MGA TV SHOW. Masyado ata niyang dinidibdib ang mga Star Magic acting workshops. Anyway, I asked neighborhood chikadora (who happens to live next door, that's why I'm ultra behaved; mahirap nang maging pulutan) who has an uncanny resemblance to THE Christy Fermin)
Me: Te, anong nangyayari jan?
Ate Chikadora: Hay nag-aaway yung magkapatid.
Me (thinking to myself, "Duh, obvious ba????"): Bakit ba?
AC: Ah kase, si Gerald, hiniram ang sapatos ni Gerry, binalik, putikan. Eh alam mo naman si Gerry, maingat sa gamit.
Me: Ohhhhhhhhhhh.
Me to myself: Oo nga, halata naman mas malinis itong si Gerry, si Gerald the actor, mas may itsura nga, pero mukhang parating gusgusin naman. But no, does this merit a public scandal? FRIGGING MUDDED SHOES??? But no, eto na ngang si Gerald ang sumira ng sapatos, siya pa ang galit! Meanwhile, AC was reading my expression and offered an explanation.
AC: Kase pinagkalat daw ata ni Gerry na sinira ni Gerald ang sapatos niya kaya di siya makapagbasketball. Hayon di sila lahat nakapagbasketball. Nainis yung mga katropa ni Gerry, di kinausap si Gerald. Kaya si Gerald ngayon tong galit.
My brief interview with AC was interrupted as apparently, Gerry had come out of their residence to confront his drunk brother. RAMBOL NA E2!!!!
Asawa ni AC: Hala, awatin natin!
Dahil maingat din ako at ayokong mabasag bungo ko, sumama lang ako para magka-closeup view ng mga pangyayari. Sumama si AC at si Donna, anak ni AC at ang iba pang mga kapit-bahay mula sa masmalalayong bahay. Tumigil kami mga 50 m. Ang mga cargyng barako + Kuya asawa ni AC, dumiretso para awatin ang magkapatid.
Me: Teka, nasaan na ba si Tita Elsie?
Tita Elsie is the matriarch of the clan.
AC: Ay, kanina pa nag-collapse.
Background: Tita Elsie is a legend when it comes to collapsing and the art of it. Mapa bisita ng Meralco para putulan sila ng kuryente (di nagbayad), ang kehaba-habang pila sa COMELEC registration (hinimatay daw dahil sa init), at ang pag-amin ni Kris Aquino na kinaliwa siya ni James, lahat cause for a fainting spell.
Tita Lucy (one of 'em neighbors, tindera sa palnegke): Hay naku, makatawag na nga ng tanod.
Tita Susan (one of the more promiment neighbors): Tatawag ako ng police.
Pagbaling ko ng atensiyon sa rambol na nagaganap, tagumpay na naawat ng mga lalake ang magkapatid. With matching declare na ang Gerald na "OK na ako, OK na ako." Medyo humupa na ang crowd nang konti nang bigalang umingay. Tumuakbo pala itong si Gerald sa bahay at dinampot si Emily, ang asawa ni Gerry. HOSTAGE E2.
Gerald: Tang*(^% mo Gerry. Sasakalin ko tong asawa mo kung di kita mabugbog!!!!
Balik takbo ang mga lalake para awatin si Gerald, ngunit nakaposisyon na ang mga kamay nito sa leeg ni Emily.
Gerry: Tang*^% mo Gerald. Pakawalan mo si Emily. Mag-usap tayo.
At last, dumating ang tanod with matching wang wang sound effects emanating from their jeep. Papunta na ang mga tanod para panghambalusin ng batuta si Gerald nang umentra amidst the crowd (na naka office attire pa) ang younger sister na si Rina, isang sekretarya sa isang recruitment agency sa Malate.
Rina: STOP IT!!!! Mga kuya (addressing the tanod), umuwi na kayo!!!! THIS IS A FAMILY AFFAIR!!!!
LUMAKI ANG MGA MATA KO!!! HINDI DAHIL SA EKSENA, NGUNIT DAHIL SUDDENLY SPOKENING DOLLAR BIGLA E2NG SI GARGUELAYNE.
Rina again: This is a WAR... A WAR between brothers. We'll fix it inside. Sige na, magsiuwian na kayo!!!! WE DON'T NEED NOSY NEIGHBORS!!!!!!!
I SO WANTED TO DO CARTWHEELS. WAR!!! BETWEEN BROTHERS!!! INDAY, IS THAT YOU?????? I was half expecting her to start saying, "Alms, alms, spare me a piece of bread..."
Nadisperse ang crowd. Pumasok ang mga actors and actresses sa loob. Naiwan sa labas ang sabit na si Emily, still gasping for breath.
Another evening in the neighborhood.
Biglang may sumigaw galing sa pinakadulong bahay.
Still unidentified voice: Hoy, Gerry!!!! Lumabas ka dito!!!! Sisirain ko ang pinto!!! Mayaman ako ngayon at puede kong sirain ang pintong to. Tang&(%^$ mo!!! Lumabas ka.
Upon closer inspection, nakilala ko ang sumisigaw as Gerald, kapatid ni Gerry. Kilala ko sila dahil may sari-sari store sila, kung saan ako bumibili ng RC (so probinsya!) Si Gerry ay isang karpentero. Si Gerald ay isang extra. YES, AS IN EXTRA SA MGA TV SHOW. Masyado ata niyang dinidibdib ang mga Star Magic acting workshops. Anyway, I asked neighborhood chikadora (who happens to live next door, that's why I'm ultra behaved; mahirap nang maging pulutan) who has an uncanny resemblance to THE Christy Fermin)
Me: Te, anong nangyayari jan?
Ate Chikadora: Hay nag-aaway yung magkapatid.
Me (thinking to myself, "Duh, obvious ba????"): Bakit ba?
AC: Ah kase, si Gerald, hiniram ang sapatos ni Gerry, binalik, putikan. Eh alam mo naman si Gerry, maingat sa gamit.
Me: Ohhhhhhhhhhh.
Me to myself: Oo nga, halata naman mas malinis itong si Gerry, si Gerald the actor, mas may itsura nga, pero mukhang parating gusgusin naman. But no, does this merit a public scandal? FRIGGING MUDDED SHOES??? But no, eto na ngang si Gerald ang sumira ng sapatos, siya pa ang galit! Meanwhile, AC was reading my expression and offered an explanation.
AC: Kase pinagkalat daw ata ni Gerry na sinira ni Gerald ang sapatos niya kaya di siya makapagbasketball. Hayon di sila lahat nakapagbasketball. Nainis yung mga katropa ni Gerry, di kinausap si Gerald. Kaya si Gerald ngayon tong galit.
My brief interview with AC was interrupted as apparently, Gerry had come out of their residence to confront his drunk brother. RAMBOL NA E2!!!!
Asawa ni AC: Hala, awatin natin!
Dahil maingat din ako at ayokong mabasag bungo ko, sumama lang ako para magka-closeup view ng mga pangyayari. Sumama si AC at si Donna, anak ni AC at ang iba pang mga kapit-bahay mula sa masmalalayong bahay. Tumigil kami mga 50 m. Ang mga cargyng barako + Kuya asawa ni AC, dumiretso para awatin ang magkapatid.
Me: Teka, nasaan na ba si Tita Elsie?
Tita Elsie is the matriarch of the clan.
AC: Ay, kanina pa nag-collapse.
Background: Tita Elsie is a legend when it comes to collapsing and the art of it. Mapa bisita ng Meralco para putulan sila ng kuryente (di nagbayad), ang kehaba-habang pila sa COMELEC registration (hinimatay daw dahil sa init), at ang pag-amin ni Kris Aquino na kinaliwa siya ni James, lahat cause for a fainting spell.
Tita Lucy (one of 'em neighbors, tindera sa palnegke): Hay naku, makatawag na nga ng tanod.
Tita Susan (one of the more promiment neighbors): Tatawag ako ng police.
Pagbaling ko ng atensiyon sa rambol na nagaganap, tagumpay na naawat ng mga lalake ang magkapatid. With matching declare na ang Gerald na "OK na ako, OK na ako." Medyo humupa na ang crowd nang konti nang bigalang umingay. Tumuakbo pala itong si Gerald sa bahay at dinampot si Emily, ang asawa ni Gerry. HOSTAGE E2.
Gerald: Tang*(^% mo Gerry. Sasakalin ko tong asawa mo kung di kita mabugbog!!!!
Balik takbo ang mga lalake para awatin si Gerald, ngunit nakaposisyon na ang mga kamay nito sa leeg ni Emily.
Gerry: Tang*^% mo Gerald. Pakawalan mo si Emily. Mag-usap tayo.
At last, dumating ang tanod with matching wang wang sound effects emanating from their jeep. Papunta na ang mga tanod para panghambalusin ng batuta si Gerald nang umentra amidst the crowd (na naka office attire pa) ang younger sister na si Rina, isang sekretarya sa isang recruitment agency sa Malate.
Rina: STOP IT!!!! Mga kuya (addressing the tanod), umuwi na kayo!!!! THIS IS A FAMILY AFFAIR!!!!
LUMAKI ANG MGA MATA KO!!! HINDI DAHIL SA EKSENA, NGUNIT DAHIL SUDDENLY SPOKENING DOLLAR BIGLA E2NG SI GARGUELAYNE.
Rina again: This is a WAR... A WAR between brothers. We'll fix it inside. Sige na, magsiuwian na kayo!!!! WE DON'T NEED NOSY NEIGHBORS!!!!!!!
I SO WANTED TO DO CARTWHEELS. WAR!!! BETWEEN BROTHERS!!! INDAY, IS THAT YOU?????? I was half expecting her to start saying, "Alms, alms, spare me a piece of bread..."
Nadisperse ang crowd. Pumasok ang mga actors and actresses sa loob. Naiwan sa labas ang sabit na si Emily, still gasping for breath.
Another evening in the neighborhood.
Word for the day: PEAKS (interchangable with its homonym PEEKS)
Location: McDonald's (branch location withheld)
I was happily munching my quarter pounder with cheese and fries (for only PhP99, promo ends I dunno) with an officemate, discussing the greatness of Manong (the office's guard-lunch provider-sandal/flipflop/RTW/perfume magnate [Burberry Weekend 100 ml for only PhP500]) when I (and later aforementioned officemate) got distracted by the boisterous storytelling of a table neighbor. Yes, he was REALLY loud, considering that tables in McDonald's are arranged comfortably apart from each other (compared to Jollibee) and considering I, owner of the voice that crossed the Guimaras Strait effortlessly, found him loud. Anyway, he tells his companion (and the whole place):
LM (loudmouth): Ewan ko nga ba kung bakit ako umalis dun e.
Companion: (says something in normal volume)
LM: Tapos....ano pa ako dun... PEAKS!!!!! Peeeeeeaks. Tangina, pare, PEAAAAAAAKS. Di ko lang talaga kaya yung oras e.
Companion: (says something in normal volume) &%^%&$* yun????
LM: PEAKS!!!!!!!!! Yung bawat katapusan meron akong nakukuha..........PEEAAAAAAKS...... sayang talaga yun.
Companion: AHHHHHHHHHHH! FEEEEEEEEEEAKS. FEEEKS sweldo mo!!!!!
I thought the fries I just chewed then did cartwheels in my esophagus.
I was happily munching my quarter pounder with cheese and fries (for only PhP99, promo ends I dunno) with an officemate, discussing the greatness of Manong (the office's guard-lunch provider-sandal/flipflop/RTW/perfume magnate [Burberry Weekend 100 ml for only PhP500]) when I (and later aforementioned officemate) got distracted by the boisterous storytelling of a table neighbor. Yes, he was REALLY loud, considering that tables in McDonald's are arranged comfortably apart from each other (compared to Jollibee) and considering I, owner of the voice that crossed the Guimaras Strait effortlessly, found him loud. Anyway, he tells his companion (and the whole place):
LM (loudmouth): Ewan ko nga ba kung bakit ako umalis dun e.
Companion: (says something in normal volume)
LM: Tapos....ano pa ako dun... PEAKS!!!!! Peeeeeeaks. Tangina, pare, PEAAAAAAAKS. Di ko lang talaga kaya yung oras e.
Companion: (says something in normal volume) &%^%&$* yun????
LM: PEAKS!!!!!!!!! Yung bawat katapusan meron akong nakukuha..........PEEAAAAAAKS...... sayang talaga yun.
Companion: AHHHHHHHHHHH! FEEEEEEEEEEAKS. FEEEKS sweldo mo!!!!!
I thought the fries I just chewed then did cartwheels in my esophagus.
Another set of questions
Just because I want to answer the Proust Questionnaire, as popularized in the last page of Vanity Fair.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
extreme poverty
Where would you like to live?
somewhere free
What is your idea of earthly happiness?
contentment
To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
any, as long as they're my own
Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
Moraes Zogoiby, Zorro, Donald Duck
Who are your favorite characters in history?
Mohandas Gandhi, Alfred Hitchcock, Che Guevarra
Who are your favorite heroines of history?
Melchora Aquino, Gabriella Silang, Florence Nightingale
Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
my mother
Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
Hester Payne, Alice (as in the girl in Wonderland), Hua Mu Lan
Your favorite painter?
I'm not an art connoisseur. Van Gogh.
Your favorite musician?
Juanes
The quality you most admire in a man?
perseverance
The quality you most admire in a woman?
resilience
Your favorite virtue?
optimism
Your favorite occupation?
learning about other places and times
Who would you have liked to be?
no one in particular
Your most marked characteristic?
impatience
What do you most value in your friends?
their entertainment value (mwahahahahahaha). seriously, their generosity (of themselves)
What is your principle defect?
my allergic rhinitis
What is your dream of happiness?
absolute contentment
What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?
abject poverty
What would you like to be?
complete (centrum? mwahahahaha)
In what country would you like to live?
a country with overflowing sangria, flamenco, superficial and meaningful friendships, and silence
What is your favorite color?
I don't have a favorite color, I prefer seeing harmony and appropriateness among/in them.
What is your favorite flower?
I'm allergic to them. I like seeing them in cheerful colors, though.
What is your favorite bird?
I don't like birds, especially after watching Hitchcock's film.
Who are your favorite prose writers?
Rohinton Mistry, Salman Rushdie, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Who are your favoite poets?
I'm not into English or Filipino poetry, and I don't believe in translated poetry. I have yet to read Spanish poets, so I don't have a favorite poet.
Who are your favorite composers?
Juanes, Mercedes Migel Carpio, Fher Olvera, The Beatles
What are your favorite names?
Alejandro, David, Guillermo
Chloe, Isabel, Claire
What is it you most dislike?
looking at suffering
What historical figures do you most despise?
Hitler
What event in military history do you most admire?
I wouldn't exactly classify it as military, but Cinco de Noviembre in Negros was ingenious and amazing.
What reform do you most admire?
land reform
What natural gift would you most like to possess?
a good singing voice
How would you like to die?
in my sleep, without any fanfare
What is your present state of mind?
perplexed, thinking of what to answer to these questions
What is your motto?
Live each day as though it's your first.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
extreme poverty
Where would you like to live?
somewhere free
What is your idea of earthly happiness?
contentment
To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
any, as long as they're my own
Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
Moraes Zogoiby, Zorro, Donald Duck
Who are your favorite characters in history?
Mohandas Gandhi, Alfred Hitchcock, Che Guevarra
Who are your favorite heroines of history?
Melchora Aquino, Gabriella Silang, Florence Nightingale
Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
my mother
Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
Hester Payne, Alice (as in the girl in Wonderland), Hua Mu Lan
Your favorite painter?
I'm not an art connoisseur. Van Gogh.
Your favorite musician?
Juanes
The quality you most admire in a man?
perseverance
The quality you most admire in a woman?
resilience
Your favorite virtue?
optimism
Your favorite occupation?
learning about other places and times
Who would you have liked to be?
no one in particular
Your most marked characteristic?
impatience
What do you most value in your friends?
their entertainment value (mwahahahahahaha). seriously, their generosity (of themselves)
What is your principle defect?
my allergic rhinitis
What is your dream of happiness?
absolute contentment
What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?
abject poverty
What would you like to be?
complete (centrum? mwahahahaha)
In what country would you like to live?
a country with overflowing sangria, flamenco, superficial and meaningful friendships, and silence
What is your favorite color?
I don't have a favorite color, I prefer seeing harmony and appropriateness among/in them.
What is your favorite flower?
I'm allergic to them. I like seeing them in cheerful colors, though.
What is your favorite bird?
I don't like birds, especially after watching Hitchcock's film.
Who are your favorite prose writers?
Rohinton Mistry, Salman Rushdie, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Who are your favoite poets?
I'm not into English or Filipino poetry, and I don't believe in translated poetry. I have yet to read Spanish poets, so I don't have a favorite poet.
Who are your favorite composers?
Juanes, Mercedes Migel Carpio, Fher Olvera, The Beatles
What are your favorite names?
Alejandro, David, Guillermo
Chloe, Isabel, Claire
What is it you most dislike?
looking at suffering
What historical figures do you most despise?
Hitler
What event in military history do you most admire?
I wouldn't exactly classify it as military, but Cinco de Noviembre in Negros was ingenious and amazing.
What reform do you most admire?
land reform
What natural gift would you most like to possess?
a good singing voice
How would you like to die?
in my sleep, without any fanfare
What is your present state of mind?
perplexed, thinking of what to answer to these questions
What is your motto?
Live each day as though it's your first.
10 Questions
In the tradition of James Lipton asking his guests these questions for his TV show "Inside the Actor's Studio," I'll answer them too, just because.
(01) What is your favorite word?
clean
(02) What is your least favorite word?
noise
(03) What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
conclusions
(04) What turns you off?
half-hearted efforts
(05) What is your favorite curse word?
Copulation and excrement
(06) What sound or noise do you love?
rain starting
(07) What sound or noise do you hate?
that initial sound of a faucet being turned on with no water coming out
(08) What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
a Cold War double agent (which is quite impossible to be nowadays, unless Mr. Putin starts turning mega-paranoid)
(09) What profession would you not like to do?
salesman
(10) If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
You got lost, didn't you? (with God smiling)
(01) What is your favorite word?
clean
(02) What is your least favorite word?
noise
(03) What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
conclusions
(04) What turns you off?
half-hearted efforts
(05) What is your favorite curse word?
Copulation and excrement
(06) What sound or noise do you love?
rain starting
(07) What sound or noise do you hate?
that initial sound of a faucet being turned on with no water coming out
(08) What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
a Cold War double agent (which is quite impossible to be nowadays, unless Mr. Putin starts turning mega-paranoid)
(09) What profession would you not like to do?
salesman
(10) If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
You got lost, didn't you? (with God smiling)
After
Today, June 12, 2007, on the occasion of the Philippines' 109th Independence Day, I realized something weird. Sad. Every time Filipinos get a taste of "freedom", of "independence", we go stagnant. By some unfortunate turn of events, whether our doing or not, we seem to go wayward, like a ship lost at sea.
I say so because the country has been through a gazillion changes and we've only gone so far as the rest of the world has pulled us along with. Through the years, it seems that we've only been free riders, sharing the benefits that the others have gained. We've adopted so much for so long without really moving ahead, with innovating, without going full speed, arancada. True, we've gone global with texting, the internet, gigantic malls, pirated DVDs and the lot, but what can we show for the 109 years that we've been free?
How ironic that last June 11, the non-working day in commemoration for the 12th, which was the real holiday, I watched a Pedro Almodovar film. Ironic? Well, I was celebrating my country's 109th year independence from the Spaniards, and I was watching a film by a descendant of the purest breed. Mr. Almodovar is pure Kastila, born and raised in Calzada de Calatrava, in the heart of Castilla-La Mancha, Spain. Direct descendant of the mananakop, of the malulupit na Kastila who treated my ancestors as second-class citizens. Not only is he Spanish, but he's through and through Castillan, descendants of Felipe I to whom we owe our country's name. He's not Catalan, or Valencian, or Basque, or Andalucian. Castillan. Kastila, as our grade school Sibika at Kultura books would term our country's colonizers. Therefore, I felt like I betrayed my Katipunero ancestors by watching an obra of an nth generation Kastila, whose ancestors have caused mine great pain and suffering.
But so much for that. Actually, what struck me was that Almodovar was an integral part of La Movida Madrileña, La Movida for short. La Movida was Spain's sociocultural movement which happened during the first ten years after the death of Generalisimo Franco in 1975. During that time, Spain reopened itself to the world, a new emerging Spanish cultural identity was born, and Spanish economics blossomed. Almodovar spearheaded this movement by making such films as Pepi, Luci, Bom y otras chicas del montón (1980), documenting the Spaniards' newfound freedom after years of repression under the General. To see such advance by Spanish society in such a short time was what struck me. Like us, Spaniards also suffered for quite some time (WWII to 1975 - that's long). But since then they've moved on beautifully.
On the other hand, we Filipinos seem to always be in a rut. After WWII, Marcos. After Marcos, People Power. We should have gone full speed ahead too. But then, countless coup attempts. After coup attempts, EDSA II. After EDSA II, EDSA III. After EDSA III, a stubborn president who's doing everything she can, but has lost to apathy and opponents who are just waiting for her to screw up big time. Granting that these are only political concerns, what else have we got to show since EDSA I with the other areas of our existence as a nation? Poor economy, lackluster arts and culture? No movement, no advancement. Did we ever had a chance to do our version of La Movida? Grand chances we had, but I guess no one took 'em chances.
What's most ironic is that the "golden" years of Philippine arts and culture, when the likes of Brocka, Bernal, Cervantes, Aguilar, Juan dela Cruz Band, Florante, Asin, APO, and Gary Granada churned out amazing works, were done at the height of the Marcos dictatorship. With the regime gone in 1986, what happened? The only image I had growing up during the post-Marcos years that was truly Filipino was The Dawn. Nothing else. Movies? Nada. It seemed that Filipinos just suddenly started sleeping for a while, allowing Debbie Gibson, Michael Jackson, Bananarama, New Wave Music, Joan Collins, and Chuck Norris to dominate their culture while preparing for a resurgence of communist rebels and Gringo Honasan and Co. to awaken us.
Which led me to think, are Filipinos capable of doing great things only when they are oppressed? Rizal, Luna, Bonifacio, et al. emerged when the Spaniards were still here. Gallaga, Brocka, and Bernal blossomed under Marcos' dictatorship. Only Premiere, LVN, Lebra, and Sampaguita were producing movies in the '50s to the 60s, the so-called Golden Age of RP cinema. Can't Filipinos do great things without a monopoly or without being oppressed I'm hoping that the current stream of rock bands can replicate what the Eraserheads did in the '90s or that our promising indie filmmakers could be as great as Raymond Red. I'm afraid that we only saw spurts of brilliance in the '90s. I hope a good, huge movement can happen these next few years.
Until then, happy Independence Day.
English, et tu?
Last night, there was a debate on ANC about repealing Gloria Arroyo's presidential decree ordering the return of English as the medium of instruction in the academe. This topic has been subject to countless discussions since time immemorial. Personally, I don't see any contest. A waste of time and energy, if you ask me. Not to mention a waste of saliva, airtime, and newspaper space, too.
I say so because for one, I don't see any alternative to English. If not English, what then? Filipino/Tagalog? Can anyone explain to me the difference between a suspension and a colloid in Filipino? What is the Filipino term for currency depreciation? Having to translate all terms from various academic disciplines to Filipino is a colossal task, involving lots of time and effort amongst the country's linguists. In the very unlikely case that this could be done, DepEd would have to print and distribute gazillions of new books, creating a new bane in the already hole-filled pockets of the government. In any case, will the country's established institutions in, e.g. medicine or physics be receptive with a new Filipinized standard? It would take the Pollyanna in every Filipino to believe that any of these could be done.
Anyhow, we've already milked enough from our self-promoted English "proficiency". Aren't our undergraduates and new graduates reaping the benefits of the proliferation of call centers in the country? Ten years ago, the only options for people fresh out of college would be (1) to work overseas as factory workers and domestic helpers, (2) work overseas as nurses or teachers, or (3) work locally and scramble with the rest of the population for a few measly job openings and get paid lousy minimum wage.
Nowadays, anyone with two years of tertiary education and good English skills can go to any building in Makati, pass resumes to the 20 call centers on that building, and get a job offer by the end of the day. No need to go abroad and get abused or raped to earn big bucks! An average call center agent earns around 16,000 pesos, more than twice the salary of an average office worker. These call centers have given rise to a breed of yuppies who can afford their Starbucks coffee and pay rent without having to go through nursing school. And to think that the American bosses of these firms are predicting unprecedented growth! Too bad they're also getting weary of the decreasing quality of English among Filipino graduates.
And people are talking about re-replacing English as medium of instruction again. The pros and cons of the call center industry are different topics altogether, but the good some of its employees have gained, thanks to their proficiency in English, cannot be denied. Another generation of poor English speakers may end this industry and obviously, one less career option for the country's graduates, who are already grappling for jobs, even with call centers around.
The country has had a long history of English usage. By 1901, public education was institutionalized, with English serving as the medium of instruction. The 1935 Constitution added English as an official language alongside Spanish. Even as Tagalog was chosen as the national language by the National Language Institute in 1937. The present constitution, ratified in 1987, stated that Filipino and English are both the official languages of the country.
Filipino is an official language of education, but less important than English. It is the major language of the broadcast media and cinema, but less important than English as a language of publication (except in some domains, like comic books, which are meant to speak directly to the Filipino psyche) and less important for academic-scientific-technology discourse. English and Filipino compete in the domains of business and government. Filipino is used as a lingua franca in all regions of the Philippines as well as overseas Filipino communities, and is the dominant language of the armed forces (except perhaps for the small part of the commissioned officer corps from wealthy or upper middle class families) and of a large part of the civil service, most of whom are non-Tagalogs.
I am not on English's side because I'm elitist or pro-American. English is a practical language that has been used in the country for quite some time now, and we have had a lot to gain because of this. English "proficiency" has been an advantage for us Filipinos and it would be a huge loss if we do not protect this advantage. I'm not even going into the regionalism argument, wherein most people from the provinces would rather speak in English than Filipino. As it is, Filipino is being spoken everywhere in the country, so why lessen the avenues where English is being practiced? If students don't hone their English skills in school, I'm afraid there wouldn't be anywhere else they could master the skill, as most of them prefer using their regional dialects at home or with their friends.
Could we move on to other (more significant) matters?
I say so because for one, I don't see any alternative to English. If not English, what then? Filipino/Tagalog? Can anyone explain to me the difference between a suspension and a colloid in Filipino? What is the Filipino term for currency depreciation? Having to translate all terms from various academic disciplines to Filipino is a colossal task, involving lots of time and effort amongst the country's linguists. In the very unlikely case that this could be done, DepEd would have to print and distribute gazillions of new books, creating a new bane in the already hole-filled pockets of the government. In any case, will the country's established institutions in, e.g. medicine or physics be receptive with a new Filipinized standard? It would take the Pollyanna in every Filipino to believe that any of these could be done.
Anyhow, we've already milked enough from our self-promoted English "proficiency". Aren't our undergraduates and new graduates reaping the benefits of the proliferation of call centers in the country? Ten years ago, the only options for people fresh out of college would be (1) to work overseas as factory workers and domestic helpers, (2) work overseas as nurses or teachers, or (3) work locally and scramble with the rest of the population for a few measly job openings and get paid lousy minimum wage.
Nowadays, anyone with two years of tertiary education and good English skills can go to any building in Makati, pass resumes to the 20 call centers on that building, and get a job offer by the end of the day. No need to go abroad and get abused or raped to earn big bucks! An average call center agent earns around 16,000 pesos, more than twice the salary of an average office worker. These call centers have given rise to a breed of yuppies who can afford their Starbucks coffee and pay rent without having to go through nursing school. And to think that the American bosses of these firms are predicting unprecedented growth! Too bad they're also getting weary of the decreasing quality of English among Filipino graduates.
And people are talking about re-replacing English as medium of instruction again. The pros and cons of the call center industry are different topics altogether, but the good some of its employees have gained, thanks to their proficiency in English, cannot be denied. Another generation of poor English speakers may end this industry and obviously, one less career option for the country's graduates, who are already grappling for jobs, even with call centers around.
The country has had a long history of English usage. By 1901, public education was institutionalized, with English serving as the medium of instruction. The 1935 Constitution added English as an official language alongside Spanish. Even as Tagalog was chosen as the national language by the National Language Institute in 1937. The present constitution, ratified in 1987, stated that Filipino and English are both the official languages of the country.
Filipino is an official language of education, but less important than English. It is the major language of the broadcast media and cinema, but less important than English as a language of publication (except in some domains, like comic books, which are meant to speak directly to the Filipino psyche) and less important for academic-scientific-technology discourse. English and Filipino compete in the domains of business and government. Filipino is used as a lingua franca in all regions of the Philippines as well as overseas Filipino communities, and is the dominant language of the armed forces (except perhaps for the small part of the commissioned officer corps from wealthy or upper middle class families) and of a large part of the civil service, most of whom are non-Tagalogs.
I am not on English's side because I'm elitist or pro-American. English is a practical language that has been used in the country for quite some time now, and we have had a lot to gain because of this. English "proficiency" has been an advantage for us Filipinos and it would be a huge loss if we do not protect this advantage. I'm not even going into the regionalism argument, wherein most people from the provinces would rather speak in English than Filipino. As it is, Filipino is being spoken everywhere in the country, so why lessen the avenues where English is being practiced? If students don't hone their English skills in school, I'm afraid there wouldn't be anywhere else they could master the skill, as most of them prefer using their regional dialects at home or with their friends.
Could we move on to other (more significant) matters?
Soap Rules
Koreans are quick to realize their faults. Filipinos are quick to turn a blind eye. What to say? Carry on, I guess, no matter which star they're effing from.
Fanzine Reveals Inner Workings of Korean Soaps
(taken from The Chosun Ilbo)
The Korean Wave is ebbing, and the backlash is under way. Viewers in the Asian countries that could not get enough of Korean soaps at one stage are now complaining about their monotonous plots and off-the-rack characterization. Critics say the formula is becoming an obstacle to the further development of the Korean pop culture wave. Now, even a Japanese magazine for fans of the Korean Wave has laid out elements of the formula for its readers. "We can predict what will happen in any scene of Korean drama, like fortunetellers,” it said. “Perhaps Korean drama has a mysterious power that enables us to make predictions.” Here are its seven iron rules of Korean soaps.
1. Ordinary girl falls in love with business big shot
This is the standard storyline in Korean dramas. Hero owns conglomerate, heroine is a common office worker or an ordinary woman. How about this: Heroine is trying on clothes in a luxury boutique. Hero watches her, sitting on a chair with his hand on his chin. He smiles at her and slightly shakes his index finger, to indicate “no” for an item she’s trying on
2. Angry guy
When a male character is angry, his face is always seen in a mirror or window. Without exception, he then proceeds to break the mirror or window.
3. Very young executive
In both Korea and Japan, most executives are over 50. But in Korean soaps, many business executives are young and hunky. Even staffers' girlfriends fall in love with them.
4. All doctors are surgeons
In Korean medical dramas, there are no doctors except surgeons. Internists and ear, nose and throat specialists may not like it, but it is so. If the lead is a doctor, he or she always becomes terminally ill but keeps quiet about it. And you thought early diagnosis and treatment were basic principles of medical service.
5. Fortuitous cabs
The heroes in Korean soaps have an uncanny ability to catch a cab in a timely manner. In any emergency, a cab just happens to pass. Or maybe it’s the cab drivers who have the power of foresight?
6. Weather forecasts are always wrong
Heroine is soaked in unexpected shower due to wrong weather forecasts. Hero appears in front of her carrying -- an umbrella!
7. Mobile phones
No matter how poor they are, the protagonists have an expensive mobile phone. Most cost some W700,000 (US$1=W923).
The list could go on, but the point is made. One pleasure Korean soaps provide is predictability, invariably.
* * * * *
Well, here are seven iron rules of Filipino soaps:
1. Happy ending
There must be one. There is no other option.
2. The two protagonists must come from different worlds.
One must be rich, the other, poor. One must be a human, the other, a superhero. One must be a frigging bird, the other, a normal human being (who, of course later discovers that she is also a.... TADA!!!!!!! Bird, etc. etc. Now, they can be wolves/foxes as well).
3. Climatic, earth-shattering, cathartic event
Bus explosion, someone dying, someone resurrecting, someone surviving a gazillion gunshots, a battle royale between good birds and bad birds, a singing showdown with some other character tied to a chain of explosives, someone telling someone that she is a bastard and the oppressed party is the legitimate heir/ess, after all. Anything.
4. A "theme" song
A tad forgivable when the soap is named after a song. But then when Sheryn Regis sings the theme song to normally-unattainable octaves, what could go wrong?
5. Mean antagonists
When Pinoys want mean, they really get mean. Super mean. Uber mean. Evil. Evil evil in levels that put Cruella deVille or 'em bitches in Dynasty to shame. With matching laughter and designer fashions.
6. Themed names
Good thing this has gone out of fashion. Early this century, I remembered a soap whose leads were Yuri, Katrina, Helaena, Nikos, Henri, Ingrid, Ivan, Dmitri, and Anilov. For a while I thought Leo Tolstoy wrote the teleplay. Then came Diana, Beatrice, and Sophia from the rural barrios where they were supposed to be farmers who later went to Hong Kong to become domestic helpers. Credible, but I was just expecting more combo type names (first syllable of mom's name + first syllable of dad's name) or something with Ann or Mary or Lyn - Lovelyn, Ginalyn, Remalyn. But alas, none of that. Oh, before I forget, I remembered Carmi Martin playing a soap opera character named Dolce Vita. And she was one nasty biatch.
7. Everybody's related to everybody, if not now, sooner or later
Filipino soap opera writers, writing about "realities" in the Philippines, with its 87 million people (and counting), feel that it is their responsibility to let everybody know everybody and for everybody to be related to all the characters in the soap before it ends. Eat your heart out, Alejandro González Iñárritu. Why settle for characters with interconnecting lives when you have characters related by some amazing stroke of fate, by some cosmic alignment. Take your pick: soli or sanguinis. If someone is not related to any of the characters, chances are, the guy's gonna die before the season ends. But then again, the death might be cathartic (see rule #3.)
So, you found me!
Or whatever it was you were looking for that led you here.
Welcome, family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, possible stalkers, possible identity thieves, extra-terrestrials, unclassified life forms, ghosts, zombies, supernatural beings, non-living things with reading and web surfing abilities.
This is the blog of Mark Nichol Tiansay Turija.
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If you are familiar with the name of the blog owner, good for you. You may have been the blog owner's classmate, schoolmate, officemate, housemate, or whatever -mate. The blog owner has also encountered so many people claiming they were his former college org-mate, high school classmate, or that his face is familiar, bringing memories from a more carefree era. The blog owner has had so many mates he might as well feel at home in Australia. Or it may just be because the blog owner has a very generic face.
To set the records straight, the blog owner was born and raised in Bacolod City, studied in Trinity Christian School from kindergarten until first grade and St. John's Institute from second grade until high school. He moved to Manila where he studied at the Ateneo de Manila University, starting with a Legal Management major and graduating with a Political Science degree. He has worked in Innodata, the Asian Development Bank, PeopleSupport (Cebu), C-Cubed, HDI, Citibank, e-PLDT, InfonXX, ILDAEIL, SVI, Intelligraph, USLS, IBM, CDI, OJW, Cyvertegic, JobStreet.com, and now, Arcadis. That's all of it. Those claiming they know him from outside of these circles have most possibly been acquainted with his evil doppelganger(s).
The blog owner's interests are anything concerning Latin America, Spain, Italy, and India, but also appreciates music, cinema, show business, literature, and TV from anywhere in the world. He also watches a lot of documentaries, reads a lot of blogs, walks and runs as his physical activities, and wastes a lot of time on Facebook and Twitter, among other websites.
The blog owner is NOT trying hard to be pa-intellectual and considers himself galactic-ally FAR from being an intellectual snob, simply because he feels he does not possess sufficient intellect to go looking down on the intellectual masses. While he prefers to spend his time knowing about the more interesting aspects of world culture, this does not stop him from being entertained by some very "basic" things, such as the dynamics of the Kardashian family, the antics of Kris Aquino, Sunday afternoon showbiz talk shows, Cristy Fermin blind items, the Fashionpulis blog, and Miley Cyrus' Party in the USA (never fails!), among others.
Stress on the word ENTERTAINED.
Anyway, read on.
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